Hiei the Boyfriend
by Lanie McCoy
Summary: Satire: because I'm just in that kind of mood. Heavy on the MarySue bashing.
1. Girl from Nowhere

"Hiei-chaaaan!"

Perched in a tall tree and out of the viewing span of human eyes, Hiei cracked an eye open and looked down. In his bleary state, he almost expected to see his sister shouting for him to wake up due to some emergency.

That was certainly not his sister.

The girl (at least, she appeared to be a girl, though the truth or falseness of that statement, Hiei would discover later) was not extraordinarily tall—only a few centimeters taller than himself, he guessed. Her hair was not what you might call "pretty," although she clearly cared for it with expensive shampoos and conditioners and other scented hair products. It all contributed to a rather bland color that might have once been blond and very shiny.

Hiei ignored her and tried to settle into the branch and fall back asleep.

The girl hit the tree anxiously, beating her petite fists against the bark. The slight vibrations disturbed Hiei's rest and he twitched in annoyance.

"Hiei-chaaaan!"

"What?" he muttered, bordering on anger. He peeked out through a gap in the leaves—maybe she had chanced to look through it to see him. He made sure his eyes were narrowed and his knuckles whitening.

"Hiei-chan, come down here and be joyous! For we are officially a couple, as of last night when I read it in a fanfiction my BFF wrote to give me for my birthday!"

Her slightly squeaking voice grated on his ears and he winced. Where had this girl come from? And what the hell was "fanfiction"? Whatever this "BFF" was would have to pay for its diabolical plot…

Hiei opted to settle back to his branch and try (desperately) to fall asleep.

Vibrations made the tree quiver again and another high-pitched wail was sure to follow. The fire demon leapt from his seat and landed beside the girl in a blur too quick to spot, but she instantly turned on him with glowing eyes and an impossibly wide smile.

"Hiei-chan!"

She dove as though to hug him, and Hiei jerked back sharply. What was this thing and why did it know who he was? And more importantly, why did it look so much like a human girl? It clearly was not, and yet it could pass for one in any common school. And what exactly was a "BFF"? Or a "fanfiction"? Or—

Wait.

The girl had taken complete advantage of Hiei's musings to cling to his waist like a…barnacle, or something. Her face was burrowed into his chest, an interesting feat with their differences in height, and she seemed to be trying to suffocate him.

Hiei attempted to push her off, succeeding after several minutes, only to have her latch onto his wrist with an Iron Grip.

"Come on!" she cried excitedly. "Let's go to Kurama's. You can show off that you've got a new girlfriend!"

"Girlfriend? What are—"

"Come on!" this mysterious thing giggled, dragging Hiei down the street (despite much violent resistance).

Damn that Iron Grip.

"How do you know where you're going?" Hiei asked in a voice between confusion and rage.

The girl smiled.

"I'm om-ni-po-tent," she said. "That means I know everything."

"I know what it means," Hiei snarled. The girl giggled again.

Slowly, Hiei began to realize that he didn't recognize his surroundings at all. They weren't headed towards Kurama's house…the fox lived at least two miles in the opposite direction. Hiei smacked the girl on the shoulder.

"You're going the wrong way," he said. "You're not omnipotent at all, you're just stupid. If you had asked me where the fox lived, we would be there by now."

The girl looked affronted. "Why, Love! Of course I know the way!"

"Don't call me that."

The girl turned on her heel and headed off in the opposite direction. Hiei continued to try and pull his arm from her grip, or, bar that, from its socket so that the rest of him could get away.

For the sake of convenience, let us say that the girl dragged Hiei to Kurama's house and Hiei's arm was not pulled from her grip or from its socket.

"Kurama-chaaaan!" the girl wailed.

Momentarily, the fox poked his head out the window.

"Yes?" he said suspiciously. The girl who had called for him was with Hiei, though, so she had to be trustworthy…right?

Right.

…right?

"Hey bro! Hiei and I just wanted to announce that we'll be getting married next month!"

"What! Your idea that we were a couple was absurd, but this is—"

"Can we trust you to come to the wedding and bring pretty flowers and stuff?"

"Run, Kurama, before it gets you, too!"

"Oh, you're so silly, Love."

"Don't _call_ me that!"

Slightly dizzied by the speed of that brief exchange, Kurama paused before answering. The girl—or at least, he assumed it was a girl—looked at him hopefully, and he blinked.

"…bro?" he said blankly. The girl nodded furiously.

"Yeah, Kurama, don't you remember? We're long lost siblings? Duh! I was reincarnated when you were because I couldn't stand to lose my favorite brother!"

Clearly she was mentally ill. But Kurama didn't have time to deal with that at the moment.

"…married?" he said blankly. The girl nodded emphatically.

"I might need to bribe him or something first, but yeah, we're getting married!"

"…what's your name?"

"Yohaim Alexis Fernando Reinhardt Wyferon Versailles de Granvirias! You can call me 'Alexis' for short!"

Kurama counted in his head, recounting when he arrived at a perplexing result.

"That's a part Jewish, part American, part Hispanic, part Elven, part Roman name," he called down to her. "And 'Alexis' is certainly the American part of it!"

"It's also the shortest! And the most feminine!"

"But we're in Japan!"

She nodded emphatically. "Yeah, I know! I break rules 'cause I'm special!"

"Special, indeed…"

Hiei continued to try to pull his arm out of its socket, but being that Yohaim Alexis Fernando Reinhardt Wyferon Versailles de Granvirias had an Iron Grip on his wrist, he couldn't move much, and it was all pretty futile. Instead, he desperately tried to stamp a Morse code message to Kurama with his foot, but then he realized that he wasn't sure how to make an "E," so the message fell flat.

Alexis dragged Hiei up to Kurama's door, where she knocked politely, waited approximately one point seven nine three seconds, opened it, and toed off her shoes in the doorway. Upon seeing the two come up to the door, Kurama had dashed downstairs and reached the foyer in time to see Alexis's shoes spiral and flip into the living room. Impressive? Yes, a little. Rude? Yes, sort of. Her shoes were loafers, it wasn't as though they would be difficult to take off and place by the door.

"Miss…Versailles de Granvirias," Kurama said, trying to remember the latter part of her name. She nodded, her smile all too excited.

"Yohaim Alexis Fernando Reinhardt Wyferon Versailles de Granvirias. Did I mention that I'm directly descended from the greatest Elven king who ever lived?"

"Yes, well. You see, I don't think it would be a good way to spend my time, growing flowers for a wedding that isn't going to happen."

"But…" Alexis stuttered, her lower lip quivering. "But…t-the fanfi-i-i-ction," she hiccupped. "It s-said Hiei and I were a…a couple, and we got _married_!"

Luckily for Hiei, as Alexis began to bawl, she removed her Iron Grip from his wrist in order to bury her face in her hands. Hiei fled, ducking behind Kurama, an act which involved no ducking at all, seeing as how Kurama is taller than Hiei by several centimeters.

Hiei and Kurama made small talk for a little while, until the sounds of Alexis's wails began to die down. Hiei risked a glance over Kurama's shoulder, which was, as it turns out, a really bad move on his part.

Alexis leaped forward and, snaking her arm under Hiei's peeking head, grabbed Kurama around the neck and pulled him away. Hiei vainly reached for his friend and let his arm fall back uselessly when he missed.

"Marry me or I'll lock Kurama in a dungeon for the rest of his life and being that we all know Youko could live for like a bazillion years that'd be really bad and it'd kill his fox spirit and stuff and you're best friends so you really do like him and you want him to be all cool like that so you have to agree!"

"Um…"

Kurama looked from Hiei to the girl to Hiei to the girl. She _did_ have an Iron Grip.

"Just say yes, Hiei," he said tiredly. He didn't need this right now…

"Yes."

"Thank you."

"YAY!"

Hiei looked over at Alexis-whatshername. Whenever she made squeaky noises like that, it meant bad things for him. What exactly had he just agreed to? He remembered something about Kurama, something about a dungeon, and something about a marriage.

Oh, that didn't sound good…

Meanwhile, the girl had latched back to Hiei's arm and was trying to drag him out the door. Hiei resisted mightily, but the girl had the power of fanfiction on her side and was ultimately successful.

"Let's go to Makeout Creek!"

"…excuse me?"

Giggling madly like a schoolgirl on drugs, Alexis hauled Hiei out the door and down the street, under the suddenly nighttime sky. Hiei blinked a few times. Never had he seen a sky turn so suddenly from one time to another. Not that it mattered—what the hell was "Makeout Creek"? A river which was difficult to see? He didn't think he wanted to know.

Alexis had, reasonably quickly, taken Hiei all the way up a romantic-looking hill (you know, surrounded by pretty white flowers and moonbeams and stuff) to a romantic-looking bluff (maybe with a babbling brook nearby, or something equally sap-tastic) from which they could see the romantic-looking city (with all the lights somehow not blocking out the stars, giving it an illogical ethereal glow). She sat down on the grass and dragged Hiei down beside her, trying to force his head into her lap. He resisted mightily, keeping himself from killing her by reminding himself that he was here in the first place to save Kurama.

"Isn't it beautiful, Love?" she sighed dreamily. Hiei gagged.

Cough cough.

"_No_," he spat, rubbing his throat. "It certainly is _not_, and I don't know why we can see the stars in the first place, what with all the light pollution."

"Oh, dear, you have no imagination!" Alexis laughed daintily. Hiei rolled his eyes and, in that moment, saw and heard someone—two of them, actually—crawling out of the bushes and sitting beside the less-than-happy couple.


	2. Meeting Lovebirds

"Hiei!" Yûsuke said cheerfully. The demon looked over to his friend and grimaced, sort of like a forced smile. Keiko, who was hugging Yûsuke's middle, smiled and waved a little.

"Girlfriend?"

"_No_…"

"You sure?"

"_Positive_."

"Sure looks like it."

"I'm doing it to help the _fox_."

"Aww, Hiei! What a cute nickname! You need one, too!"

Growl snarl.

Yûsuke chuckled a little. "What does Kurama have to do with…her?"

"_Nothing_, as far as I can tell," Hiei muttered dangerously, "but she threatened to hurt him with 'infliction' or something, so I have to pretend to like her."

"_Fanfiction_, sweetheart," Alexis purred. Hiei rolled his eyes dramatically.

"_Whatever_."

Alexis put a finger to her chin thoughtfully. Hiei moved back suspiciously. Alexis snapped her fingers.

"Eureka!"

"Eh?"

"The nickname," she said joyfully. "You call me 'Fox,' and I'll call you 'Kitten'!"

Hiei opened and closed his mouth a few times before he could manage to form proper words.

"_Excuse_ me?"

"Sure, sure," Alexis continued. "In fanfiction, I see people all the time giving you kittens or cats or something and it's _so cute_! So because you kinda look like a cat or something, I'll call you Kitten! It makes perfect sense, don't you think?"

Temporarily paralyzed at the idea of caring for something defenseless (not to mention small and fluffy), Hiei balked, which Alexis took to mean "Of course, darling, and I'll love you for the rest of time."

Go figure.

"Oh I just _knew_ you'd agree!"

"So…" Keiko said, trying to fill the silence so Hiei wouldn't hear her giggle and, you know, decide to kill her and stuff. "Hiei. Kit—um…I mean…Hiei. When's the wedding?"

"Next week!" Alexis jumped in ecstatically. Hiei tried to force her off of him, but the Iron Grip (I'm thinking of copyrighting that) triumphed once again.

"Never," Hiei mouthed over Alexis's head. The girl's eyes narrowed and she turned slowly on her…er, her beloved.

"_What_ did you just say…?"

"I said the wedding is 'never,' all right?"

Alexis's eyes began to water. "But…but Hiei-chan…Love…Kitten…"

Hiei bit back on what might have been a scream.

"Love kitten?" Yûsuke asked teasingly. Hiei reached for his sword—even made the motion of swinging it—when he realized that Alexis had taken it and was trying to spin it around her fingers. (Failing, but let it be said that she tried.) He growled, but, remembering that he was doing this for Kurama, subsided with a scowl.

"Hiei-chan-chan, I always thought…"

Chan-chan?

"Thought what?"

"Well, in all the fanfictions I read, when you're a boyfriend, you're always nice and sweet and really cool! And you always surprise your girlfriend with presents, like rings and stuff, or pretty silk dresses or something. You know, something really adorable and kind."

Yûsuke muffled his laughter when the girl called Hiei "adorable" and "kind." Surely they were talking about different people.

Hiei seemed to be having a similar reaction.

"_Adorable_?" he shouted. "_Kind_? Where do you come _up_ with this crap?"

Alexis smiled winningly. "Well, duh. Your girlfriend brings out the gentle person you really are inside."

Choke die.

Hiei might have fainted at that moment, it's really unclear. But a few seconds later, after he had recovered, he lunged at Alexis with his hands outstretched, preparing to choke her. She frantically looked around for some kind of defense and found—insert victory music—her super fanfiction character transportation device.

"Kurama!" she cried frantically, latching onto the-boy-who-appeared-out-of-nowhere's arm. "I'll lock him up if you don't love me!"

Hiei blinked a few times.

"Kurama?" he said curiously. The redhead looked at him, equally baffled, and shrugged.

"I…think so…"

Hiei sighed. He didn't want Kurama locked up. The fox was so good at casual sex—much better than Yûsuke, and he would never even consider Kuwabara. It would be a serious drain on the number of things he could do with his free time to have Kurama locked up.

"_Fine_…"

Kurama blinked a few times.

He turned to Alexis. "Did it ever occur to you," he asked in that sagely way of his that makes you feel real stupid, "that if you have to threaten Hiei to date you, your relationship doesn't have any weight or meaning?"

Alexis stared at him blankly for a second.

"Kurama," she said slowly, "you're my second favorite character, and I love you to death, but please, sweetie, stay out of matters you don't understand."

Kurama had to keep himself from killing her on the spot.

Why he refrained, I couldn't tell you. But he did.

Hiei, meanwhile, saw some real truth to what his friend and casual sex partner had said. The girl, Alexis whatever, was really annoying him, yet she seemed to think they were smitten with one another. It didn't make sense.

"I think Kurama's right," Hiei said smartly. Alexis looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"Y-you don't agree with me, Kitten?" she whimpered. Hiei shuddered at the nickname.

"B-but in all the…the fanfiction I read, you're always _defending_ your loved ones and giving them _presents_ and being so _sweet_ and—"

"Yeah," Yûsuke butted in, "but this is the _real_ Hiei, not some fictional knockoff. He would never give a girl a gift! Hell, he barely even remembers _Kurama's_ birthday, and they're casual sex partners!"

Alexis looked shocked. Kurama smiled in a self-satisfied way. Yûsuke laughed a little. Keiko smiled daintily.

Hiei glared at Alexis. One of those death glares that haunts normal men in their sleep.

She was too stunned to notice, I guess.

"C-c-casual…_sex_?" she whispered, as though it were a dirty word. Which it technically might be, but she was saying it in a…special sort of way.

"_Yes_, casual _sex_," Hiei said slowly. Kurama ruffled his hair and Hiei shook him off.

Alexis sputtered, covering her mouth and the like as she tripped backwards. Somehow she did it in a graceful, fanfiction-girl way, but she did trip.

Kurama and Hiei blinked at each other. They didn't see what was so odd about it, and if this girl…thing claimed to be so knowledgeable in the ways of their world and the demons therein, it shouldn't have been a shock to her.

But they didn't have anything vested in her well being, so if she had fainted or tripped and fallen on her head or something, then…more power to her.

"You have a problem with that, I assume?" Kurama said delicately. She looked up at him, wide-eyed, and nodded.

"Hiei and I are supposed to lose our virginities to each other," she said quietly, lower lip quivering as tears sprang to her eyes.

Hiei couldn't help it.

He burst out laughing.

"And just _what_," Alexis said, regaining her composure suddenly, "is so funny about that?"

Hiei stumbled over to a tree and leaned against its trunk, bracing himself so as not to lose his balance. Yûsuke was laughing, Kurama was trying not to laugh but clearly failing, and Keiko was catching the fever. Alexis blinked, looking pretty stupid and definitely out of the loop.

"_Wha-at_?" she whined.

Hiei held up his finger as though to say "one minute, dumbass, I'm laughing at you."

One minute passed.

"_Wha-at_?" Alexis whined.

"You thought I still had my virginity?" Hiei gasped between laughs. Alexis nodded meekly.

"_Oh_, that's good…"

"But-but-but you and—"

"Hiei didn't lose his virginity to me, either," Kurama said, having gotten his amusement under control.

"Or me," Yûsuke volunteered, raising his hand. Keiko nodded, blushing prettily.

Alexis stamped her foot. "Who, then?"

Hiei shrugged. "I don't remember. Some demon a few hundred years ago. Tied me down and raped me pretty bad. It's okay, though, I cut—"

Alexis burst into tears and cut off the tail of Hiei's sentence, so each member of the little crew filled in his (or her…or its) own ending.

Hiei didn't seem to mind much.

"You mean you didn't _save_ yourself for me?" she bawled. Four pairs of eyebrows raised in pretty nice synchronization.

"Seeing as how I didn't know you existed until you assaulted me in that tree—" Hiei started.

"—and it's extraordinarily rare for a demon to 'save himself' for a specific mate—" Kurama continued.

"—and two virgins trying to get it on and expecting it to be any good is just stupid—" Yûsuke added.

"—there's no possible reason he would have waited to lose his virginity to you," Keiko finished.

Blink blink.

Running blindly in no particular direction, Alexis "just happened" to head for the edge of the cliff that Makeout Creek "just happened" to be situated on. Resisting the urge to hold up his hands in prayer, Hiei hoped and hoped with all his might that she would run off and his problems would be over.

No such luck.

Alexis stopped just at the edge of the drop. Apparently, she had been aware of it the whole time. She looked over her shoulder accusingly, eyes fixed on one perplexed and disappointed fire demon.

"You're supposed to throw yourself forward to _save me_. _Duh_," she said flatly. Hiei gritted his teeth. The grinding was audible.

"_Why_ would I do _that_?"

"Obviously 'cause you would die for me and I'm your most precious sweetest nicest coolest love _ever_."

"And if you're not?"

"But the problem with that is that I _am_."

"No, you're not."

"…second? Right after the deep and passionate love you had when you were younger? Who died and devastated you so much that it caused your mysterious and dark broody ways? And then got secretly reincarnated into me? And that's why I'm here?"

"I don't love you! I don't even _like_ you!"

"Sure you do!"

Hiei threw up his hands and tried to stalk away, but Alexis, with her super fanfiction powers, was suddenly right in front of…wherever it was he was trying to go.

So, naturally, he turned around and tried to stalk away in another direction, and you can just guess how successful that was.

That is, not at all.

This didn't last for very long before Hiei realized it was completely fruitless and sat on the ground, dragging Kurama down with him (because misery loves company). Suddenly a thought came to him—maybe, just maybe, if he started making out with the fox (who certainly wouldn't mind), the girl-fanfiction-thing would realize he wasn't interested and leave.

He did just that (damn, had Kurama picked up a new trick in the last week or so? He was on fire!), right in Alexis's line of sight, and she had a typical reaction.

Quivering lip, furious raging eyes, hands balled into fists, tears spilling down her cheeks, stuff like that.

And she ran away, crying like a little brat.

Hiei and Kurama waited a few minutes…just to be sure…and broke apart, going about checking for Alexis as though they hadn't just had an awesome makeout session and weren't just a little sweaty.

Hiei was bent slightly at the waist, checking in a certain bush, when he had the most annoying sensation that he was being watched and followed and about to be spoken to, all at the same time.

"So are you over him yet?"

Hiei didn't jump, not at all, but he did spin around with his hands on fire, ready to burn and or kill something. He liked to play these things by ear.

Unfortunately, it was no normal enemy, but a certain terribly annoying young girl thing. Hiei's mouth hung open a little.

"How did you _do_ that?"

Alexis smiled winningly and gave a peace sign. "I'm special!"

"Damn straight…"

"See, Yûsuke knows what I'm talking about."

Hiei grimaced. This girl was so infuriating…

Keiko smiled devilishly. Hiei didn't like that smile…it was too foreboding of bad things.

"Alexis," Keiko said secretly, as though they were two best friends gossiping about their boyfriends. "Don't you need to make invitations for the wedding or something? Or maybe reserve a church?"

Alexis blinked. "Oh, no," she said, waving her hands. "We're not doing any sort of _traditional_ stuff."

Hiei looked at her incredulously. Not only was she still convinced they were getting married, but now she thought it would be unique and "not traditional," too? What was she, a demon?

"What are you," Kurama said skeptically, "a demon?"

Alexis nodded excitedly. "I wasn't going to say anything, because I thought it would be showing off—"

Like she hadn't been showing off the entire time she had been there, Hiei thought angrily.

"—but yes, I am a demon, actually."

Keiko snuck a little further behind Yûsuke, very subtly.

"What sort?" Kurama asked, curious and skeptical and annoyed.

"What sort? Oh, you mean what kind."

Huff sigh.

"Well," she said, holding up her hand as she got ready to tick off the different types of demon roiling inside of her. "I'm part fire demon—"

Hiei rolled his eyes.

"—part fox demon—"

Kurama raised an eyebrow.

"—part Mazoku—"

Yûsuke kept his mouth shut.

"—part light demon—"

Even Keiko thought this was getting a little silly.

"—and part darkness demon."

The four canon characters looked at each other with a variety of emotions and things reflective of certain emotions: smothered laughter (Yûsuke), confusion (Keiko), annoyance (Kurama), and infuriation (Hiei).

Kurama was the first to point out something a little weird about her mixture.

"Light and Darkness stop each other," he said. "A single entity cannot have both powers."

"Whaddya mean, 'stop'?"

"I mean that too much Light cancels out Darkness and too much Darkness cancels out Light, so when you throw them together in equal 'parts,' they cancel each other out entirely."

"B-but…" Alexis whimpered, "but I'm—I'm—I'm _special_!"

Kurama shook his head and stopped trying.

So naturally, Yûsuke gave it a go.

"You can't be 'part' Mazoku," he said. "Being Mazoku means being part demon."

"Right, so I'm part demon."

"If you're part demon, part human, then you're all Mazoku, and I thought you were all demon anyway."

"Well…" Alexis said shyly, "I'm actually half human."

Yûsuke blinked a few times and stopped trying.

Keiko had to get in on the action.

"Fox demons naturally have the power of fire," she said. "Being part fox demon, part fire demon is redundant."

"I've got super extra fire powers."

"Fox demons can use foxfire because they're fox demons, they don't need 'super extra fire powers' to use multiple fire attacks."

"Normally, yeah," Alexis agreed, "but I've got more fire powers than are covered by normal foxfire."

Keiko put her head in her hands and stopped trying.

Having already seen the entire claim debunked (completely successfully and completely unaccepted), Hiei resigned himself to attacking the "I'm half human" angle.

"You're half human," he said, "one eighth fire demon, one eighth fox demon, one eighth light demon, and one eighth darkness demon?"

"Yup!"

"And you think that balance is stable?"

"I'm still here, aren't I?"

Hiei threw up his hands and stopped trying.

Alexis gleefully amused herself by holding her hand, palm upturned, out in front of her and "focusing her energy." She smiled at a seemingly random point, passing her free hand over the "focused energy." Hiei cocked his head curiously.

"…what are you doing?"

Alexis looked up and smiled sagely. "I'm practicing summoning my fire magic," she said with that annoying "duh" undertone.

"…but there's nothing there."

Alexis closed her eyes and shook her head, her smile widening a little. "Is my energy too strong for you to see, Kitten? Should I concentrate it more?"

"There's _nothing there_."

"Here," she said, completely patronizing and not seeming to care. "I'll concentrate it further for you, okay?"

Hiei growled quietly. Very threatening.

She clenched her teeth and furrowed her brow the tiniest bit, then relaxed her expression with a satisfied grin.

"That better, Kitten?"

Seething (really obviously), Hiei punched a tree.

"Here," Alexis said, trying to be placating. "Touch it. Go on, it's your darling sweetheart's power, it won't hurt you. You'll be able to feel it, that's all. Don't be afraid."

"I am _not_ _afraid_ of things that _don't exist_. And I am _certainly_ not afraid of _fire_."

"That's good! Now just come on, sweetie, and get real close. You can do it."

To humor her, and maybe get her to shut up for once, Hiei stepped closer and stuck his hand out over hers. He raised one eyebrow when, just as he had expected, he felt absolutely nothing. Even if her energy had been too strong for him to see, he would have been able to feel it. It would have hurt him, probably pretty badly.

But there was nothing there.

He waited for her response.

She giggled when he said nothing.

"Too enamored with the overpowering sensation of undying love that you're getting from my fire to respond?" she said school-girlishly. "I get that a lot."

"There's _nothing there_."

"Sure there is!"

Alexis "threw the energy" at a nearby tree, waiting patiently for it to catch fire or explode or something.

Naturally, nothing happened.

"Well, that's odd," she said softly. "I'd say that I missed the target, but I'm a master sniper—I taught Hagiri how to snipe, by the way, I don't know if I ever told you that—so maybe my energy was too weak? Except that I'm the strongest person to ever work as a Spirit World detective—I taught Sensui everything he knows, by the way, I don't know if I ever told you that—so of course I'd be able to blow up a stupid _tree_…huh."

Four jaws might as well have been resting on the ground, but we all know jawbones aren't that flexible.

"I think we have to go," Yûsuke said quietly, standing and pulling Keiko up with him. Hiei and Kurama nodded mutely, still staring at Alexis, slack-jawed.


	3. Seeking Wedding Supplies

Suddenly, for no particular reason, it was daytime. Around ten o'clock, I'd wager.

Whatever happened to those several hours between night and day that we typically call "morning," I'll never know.

Yûsuke and Keiko were long gone, being that several hours had passed since they had stood to leave, and Hiei's and Kurama's jaws were getting pretty tired. They closed their mouths and bit down a few times to make sure that they could still work the bones properly. Alexis was standing beside a lighted tree, shoving a matchbook in her pocket.

"There!" she said happily, clapping. "I did it!"

"With some assistance," Hiei muttered. Alexis looked over at him, her head tilted "cutely" and her eyes somehow enormous.

"What was that, Love?"

"You lit it with matches," Kurama accused. "I can't believe you would do that to such a defenseless creature."

"Leave it to a fox to get sentimental about a tree," Hiei muttered, smirking. Kurama lightly whacked his shoulder, also smiling. It was a friendly kind of joke that Alexis shouldn't have been able to understand right away.

So she misinterpreted it.

"Yeah, Kurama," she said fiercely. "It's just a stupid tree. Leave it alone, it's dead now."

Kurama glared over at her incredulously and walked up to the now smoldering stump. Placing his hands over the remains, he brought it back up to its former splendor, minus some leaves and maybe a branch or two. Actually, much of the left half was completely gone, but it would grow back. Someday.

Standing, Kurama dusted his hands off and looked at Alexis with a cocky smile.

"You were saying?"

She blushed madly for some reason and turned to Hiei, her smile wider than ever.

"Hey Lovely—"

"Don't _call_ me that!"

"—wanna hit me up?"

Hiei blinked, buying himself some time.

"…hit you up."

"Yeah!"

"As in, have sex with you."

Alexis winked, trying to be seductive. "Yes, sir!"

"…no."

"Saving yourself for the wedding night, huh? That is so adorable! Aww, I love you!"

Alexis latched herself around Hiei's neck, nuzzling her face into his throat and thinking she was being wonderful and clingy, exactly what Hiei would want.

Hiei would have "sweatdropped" if he did that sort of thing on a casual basis. Instead, he looked to Kurama with blind panic.

"She's _hanging onto me_…"

"Um…I can see that, Hiei…"

"_Do something_!"

Kurama edged forward (a little scared, or maybe just annoyed) and put his hands on Alexis's shoulders, trying to drag her off. The Iron Grip™ was back, much to Hiei's chagrin, and Kurama was…unsuccessful, let's say.

"Dammit" was running through exactly two heads at that moment. A few fuzzy streams of consciousness ("fuzzy" in the literal sense—with fur and everything) were running through the third, as well as some pictures of Hiei with hearts drawn around them and "I LUV U" scribbled across some faces.

Hiei clawed at Alexis's hands around his neck, but even that didn't set off the little light bulb in her head that screamed "Hiei hates you! Get off!"

"…wait it out?" Kurama suggested. Hiei grimaced and nodded, walking back down the hill with his foxy casual sex partner at his heels.

About halfway there, Alexis leapt out of her loving stupor and screeched "Wedding plans!"

Grabbing Hiei's wrist, she dragged him down the rest of the hill and towards the urban part of town. Rather than resist, as he might have done normally, Hiei let himself be dragged—thereby providing himself a little time to think of an escape plan.

If he could just break the Iron Grip™, he would be fine.

Therein, of course, lay the problem. Alexis Ballista whatever had the power of infliction on her side, and Hiei's own fire was not strong enough to break it. This called for some serious training, but not until she was gone.

"Infliction," what a funny thing to call a power. Come to think of it, Hiei was pretty sure it started with an "F," but it didn't matter.

"Pretty white dresses!"

Hiei shook himself out of his stupor and looked around at their surroundings—or, not so much their surroundings as the store they were stopped in front of. "Wedding Stuffs R Us"? What kind of stupid name was that? More to the point, what kind of idiot would think up a stupid name like that?

…a stupid one, of course.

Alexis had dragged him into the store at some point and was fondling wine…goblets as she stared intently at a huge crystal punch bowl. Hiei tried not to grimace, but this stuff all seemed so unnecessary, it was hard not to. He called it more of a "tense smile" than a "grimace." Alexis would have called it "adorable," but she was too interested in glassware to notice.

"I thought you were in here for pretty white dresses?" Hiei said in a questioning way. Alexis blinked and nodded emphatically.

"Oh yeah!"

Hiei looked around, bored out of his mind.

"…hey, where's Kurama? He was right behind me a minute ago…"

Alexis nodded. "Yeah, Love, I like this one, too!"

Hiei snapped his gaze back to Alexis and cocked his head.

"I thought you weren't being 'traditional.'"

Alexis snapped her fingers. "Oh, yeah! I'll need a pretty hand-made tunic, completely unique and fitting of my character. It'll need Light attribute decorations and Darkness attribute decorations and Fire attri—"

Hiei tuned out right about there.

Ten minutes later, when he figured Alexis had to be finished outlining the design of her "wedding tunic," he tuned back in.

"—and really pretty matching silk pants! But not too busy, or they might clash with my beautiful one-of-a-kind tunic. Maybe I should use a silk skirt…except if it's too loose, it might catch on fire from the candles lining the aisle, and if it's too tight, I might not be able to walk gracefully enough…pants it is!"

"Candles lining the aisle?"

Alexis nodded happily. "Sure! And the ceremony will be at night in the forest, a really secret place with pretty white candles and rose petals and a shiny white archway for you to stand under! But not too shiny, or it'll be distracting, what with all the lighted candles and all. Of course, they'll go out as I pass them—it'll be so romantic!"

Hiei looked tense, skeptical, annoyed, and about to set something on fire. Maybe a little sick to his stomach, for good measure. Alexis giggled, entirely oblivious.

Go out as she passed them? A shiny white archway? What was _wrong_ with this girl?

"I suppose there will be world-class singers, too," Hiei noted satirically. Alexis waved him off.

"Oh, no, of course not."

Finally, something sane. Er, marginally.

"I'll be singing after the ceremony, at the reception. We won't need to spend the extra money to hire professionals."

Hiei raised his hands to ring her neck, but restrained himself—this was for Kurama, after all. He couldn't do anything rash.

But come to think of it, her voice didn't sound very pretty. She might be able to carry a tune, sure, but she was no diva.

"You…sing?"

Alexis looked at him, surprised. "Of course! Don't you remember? You heard me singing in the park on a cool summer night and fell madly in love with me at first listen? And then you hid behind a tree, and I noticed you—I sensed you with my super demon powers because my fire reacted to your fire because we're soul mates—and laughed, very cutely, and you came out blushing, and told me I had a beautiful voice? And I said I'd sing for you if you wanted, and you said that would be lovely, and I did, and you asked me out?"

Hiei's head was spinning. For one thing, he was positive he hadn't known this girl for more than a day, yet at the moment, it was the beginning of spring. For another, she didn't have any fire powers and even if she did, there was no such thing as a "soul mate," and even if there was, one fire demon's energy didn't "react" to another's because of it. For yet another, he didn't think he'd ever said "lovely" in his entire life, and he'd certainly never "asked a girl out."

He felt a little like screaming.

Alexis continued examining glassware.

Best to start with the most obvious flaw in her claim…or at least the simplest one.

"It's the beginning of spring."

"Uh-huh, and your point is?"

"You said we met on a cool summer night."

"We sure did!"

"I haven't known you for more than a day."

"Spring comes right before summer, Love."

"It's the _beginning_ of spring."

"And your point is…?"

Hiei started to speak for a moment before he realized that this girl simply would not hear logic. Rolling his eyes (he's been doing that an awful lot), he shook his head.

Alexis moved down the table, tracing her finger along the glass rims as she went.

"Ooh, dresses!"

"What about the tunic?"

"Oh yeah…"

Hiei put his head in his hands. This girl was hopeless. Utterly, utterly hopeless. She couldn't even keep track of her own fantasies, what made her think she could keep track of him? Or even a wedding, for that matter?

"I'm leaving," Hiei said huffily. Alexis grabbed a hold on his wrist and stopped him short.

"Not if you don't want Kurama to not have his freedom anymore, you're not," she babbled. Crossing his eyes, Hiei tried to sort out that sentence. He boiled it down to "Stay here if you want Kurama to be safe."

That was a good enough reason for him.

"Are you almost done?" he tried. She looked at him with sparkly eyes and smiled winningly. He tried to keep from retching.

"Almost!" She looked at her watch. "Ooh, but if we want time to get to the custom tunic shop before sundown, we ought to leave now!"

Thank you, Hiei prayed silently.

But…custom tunic shop? He knew of no such thing around these parts of the city. He knew of no such thing in Tokyo. Come to think of it, he had only run across a small one in a remote region of Demon World.

So then where…

Oh, no.

"Do you think Koenma will open up a portal for us today?" Alexis asked cheerfully, as though she fully expected Koenma to open whatever portals they needed right on the spot. Hiei shook his head.

"I doubt it. It takes a lot of effort to open one of those portals."

"Sure he will!" Alexis cried. "Anything for love!"

"I've never heard him say that—"

"Hurry up, Love!"

Mutter grumble.


	4. Requesting a Portal

With a convenient snap of the fingers, Alexis had opened a direct portal to Koenma's office and landed both Hiei and herself safely at his desk. Hiei blinked, definitely perplexed, and Koenma stared at them blankly. He, of course, had no idea who Alexis was, or why Hiei would be with her.

Koenma started to speak, but Alexis interrupted him energetically.

"So, Pacifier-Breath," she said, her expression condescending as much as her tone, "my sweetheart and I need a portal to Demon World and we need it right now. So get off your high chair and totter on down to wherever it is those things come from, because we need it _now_."

Hiei waved his hands "no" and mouthed the word expressively, only confusing Koenma even more. He already disliked this weird girl, what with her disrespectful nicknames and mannerisms.

"Who are you, exactly?" he said, trying to keep a cool head.

"Yohaim Alexis Fernando Reinhardt Wyferon Versailles de Granvirias," she replied as though this were the most obvious thing in the world. "Most skilled spirit detective ever? Taught Sensui Shinobu everything he knew? Strongest being in the known universe?"

"Total mental case?" Hiei muttered sourly. Koenma looked between the two, more perplexed than he had been before he asked.

"Miss Yohaim Alexis Fernando—"

"Call me Alexis."

"Miss Alexis, I don't know who you think you are, but I can tell you for a fact, you have never been a detective for our realm, nor did Sensui Shinobu learn anything from you, nor are you the strongest being in any known universe anywhere. In fact, you don't seem strong at all, and I can't sense any sort of abnormal energy from you."

Alexis waved her hands dismissively. "Whatever. Can you get me that portal or not?"

"Not right now, no," Koenma said skeptically. "It takes a certain amount of notice to get a portal like that ready, and I certainly would not open one for any random girl claiming to be on official business who wandered into my office through…suspicious means." He turned to the poor fire demon hanging from Alexis' grip. "Hiei, can I offer you some assistance?"

"Please do."

"I'll lock Kurama up! I'll—I'll—I'll make him my love slave!"

"He'd hate you forever."

"I said 'slave,' didn't I?"

"He'd break out," Koenma noted.

"Not from me!"

"Three words: greatest thief ever," Hiei retorted, beginning to think that her threat had less and less weight than it seemed.

"I know I am."

Hiei beat down on his powerful desire to scream. This girl was driving him nuts! Didn't she have anything better to do with her life than stalk unsuspecting fire demons who clearly had no interest in her? Well, Koenma had offered to help him, right? Time to cash in on that recently given proposal.

"Koenma," Hiei said, "I need you to ship this girl off to Demon World. One-way. And I need it to happen right now."

Koenma nodded. "I would, Hiei, but it's strictly against the rules to send humans into Demon World without need or proper demon guides. They'd be defenseless, and that would be basically the same as killing them. Which, as you know, is definitely not allowed."

"Oh, no, Toddler," Alexis cut in. Koenma raised an eyebrow. This girl was an interesting one.

"'Oh, no,' what?" he asked without an ounce of curiosity.

"'Oh, no,' I won't need an escort. See, I'm the strongest—"

"I thought we went over that," Koenma interrupted impatiently. Alexis nodded.

"Yeah, I thought I told you already, but I don't mind repeating myself if you missed it the first time around."

"No, I mean I thought we went over the fact that you don't _have_ any energy."

Alexis nodded sagely. "We did go over it, and I proved you wrong." She held her hand out, palm up, face set into a concentration not easily broken. "See?"

"…no, actually."

"Maybe it's too strong…"

"No," Hiei interrupted. "Your energy isn't too strong. It isn't even there. You are one deranged human girl, and you need to shut up and go back home."

Alexis' eyes, ten times their normal size, watered with the threat of tears, and her lower lip quivered. She wrung her hands meekly.

"Y-you don't trust me? Hiei…what kind of relationship can we build together without trust?"

Hiei huffed. She just didn't get it, did she?

"None," he said bitterly. "We can't build a relationship at all because I am not interested in building one, especially not with you."

"Not interested?" she said curiously, her eyes shrinking and her lip stilled. "But don't you need a girl to love you and trust you and understand you like no one ever has? Don't you need some support in your tumultuous life?"

Hiei barked a sharp laugh and shook his head. "Hell no. I have demons to fight, a steady job, a loving sister, and a casual sex partner with skill famous all throughout Demon World. What else is there?"

"There's love…" Alexis said shyly, trying to look adorably innocent. Hiei gagged.

"With _you_? I _hate_ you!"

Koenma watched all of this with intense interest, privately rooting for Hiei.

"Fine!" Alexis wailed. "I don't _need_ someone who would cheat on me with a _casual sex partner_! I'm strong enough to rule all of Demon World if I want to! I can have my pick of any demon anywhere! And my singing can get me any job in Human World! and I'm the best detective Spirit World has ever had! I can make it anywhere!"

Koenma and Hiei exchanged a look that temporarily suspended all the distaste they normally had for each other. The kind of look that said "She's nuts."

"I'm going back to Human World!"

With a snap of her fingers, Alexis was gone.

And so was Hiei, but only because they were inexorably tied together by the threads of fate.

Or something.

Koenma presumably went back to his paperwork, or maybe he wrote about that bizarre event in a diary, or something like a diary, first. Not that it really matters.


	5. Quest for a Cure

Dragging Hiei along behind her, Alexis stormed down the street, tears filling her eyes. She wiped at them occasionally, but mainly occupied herself with stomping on the sidewalk and holding onto Hiei's wrist.

"How could you do that to me, Love?" she sobbed. Hiei cocked his head.

"Eh?"

"How could you tear my heart into little pieces and throw them down on the floor?"

Hiei shrugged. "Did I really?"

Alexis turned on him fiercely. "Yes!" she cried, grabbing hold of his shoulders. She leaned over to whisper in his ear.

"This is the part where you kiss me and pledge your profound apologies and undying affection."

"But I hate you."

"You're doing it wrong."

"Right, because I hate you."

"No," she said, backing up a bit, "you love me, remember? And we're going to get married? What are you, under some evil witch's spell or something?"

"Not that I know of."

Why it was just now starting to register that Hiei was not saying "I love you," he wasn't sure, but better late than never. He just hoped the girl didn't drag him off on some silly trek to "cure him" of his "madness."

"We've got to go to Genkai's temple to cure you of this madness!"

Hiei found himself dragged off a few degrees to the left of Genkai's temple. Another ten minutes or so in this direction, and it would be difficult to find his way there without jumping through trees to get a bird's eye view. He jerked back on his wrist, effectively catching the girl's attention.

"What is it?" she asked sweetly, stopping and turning back to Hiei. He felt his eye twitching.

"Genkai's temple is that way," he said, pointing. Alexis turned her head and nodded.

"I know. This way is faster."

"No, this way is overgrown with—"

"Hurry up, Hiei, I can't drag you all the way there!"

Hiei glared ahead at nothing in particular. Her sole intent seemed to be to drag him all the way there; he gladly would have walked.

Regardless of methods and their effectiveness (or lack thereof), the pair did reach Genkai's temple and they did stop at the base of the stairs. Alexis looked up at them with something akin to fright.

"_What_ is your _problem_?" Hiei snarled, wrenching his hand from her slack grip and rubbing his wrist. She turned to him, smiling.

"Nothing at all! Let's go, it's getting dark."

"It's barely eleven o'clock!"

"No time for specifics, sweetie, come along!"

"Do it for the fox, do it for the fox…"

Twenty minutes later, Hiei had nearly fallen asleep waiting and Alexis had barely dragged herself all the way up to the actual temple gate. The demon rolled his eyes and walked towards the door, Alexis at his heels with a sudden second wind.

"Come on, Love!" she cried, dragging him inside. How did she do that? She had just been on the verge of passing out, hadn't she? How weird…

Only three people were inside the temple, being that Kurama was at home and Yuusuke was helping Keiko at the ramen shop: Genkai, Yukina, and Kuwabara. The former busied herself with a small herb garden as the latter two sat on the floor, chatting amicably.

Alexis recoiled in disgust at the sight of one of the temple's occupants, though it was unclear which one. She shoved Hiei before her and tried to duck behind him.

"Hello, Hiei," Yukina said sweetly. "Who's that?"

Hiei dragged Alexis out from behind him and stood her in the corner. That didn't last long, but at least she wasn't clinging to him anymore. On the contrary, she bowed deeply to Yukina and knelt before the girl, taking her hands.

"Hello, Miss Yukina," she said in simpering tones. "My name is Yohaim Alexis Fernando Reinhardt Wyferon Versailles de Granvirias, but you can call me Alexis, okay? I am honored to make your acquaintance."

Hiei seethed. This girl would potentially infect his sister! Absolutely not allowed.

Kuwabara seemed more perplexed than anything else, but subtly elbowed Alexis out of the way. Taking Yukina's hand, he turned to the intrusion and extended his own hand to shake hers.

"Hello, Miss de Granvirias. My name is—"

"Kuwabara Kazuma," Alexis interrupted through gritted teeth. "I'm aware. Don't touch me, I'd rather not catch your ugly."

Kuwabara blinked and withdrew the offer, his eyes narrowed. Catch his ugly? He had never heard that one before…

Yukina looked confused and offended at the remark. Kuwabara was her best friend, after all. People could not just come to the temple and insult him for no reason!

"Excuse me, Miss de Granvirias," she said, expertly maintaining a control over her emotions, "but may I ask your business here? After all, young girls do not arrive at this temple simply to insult my friends and leave without further notice." Self-satisfied and pointedly not showing it, she turned to Hiei and smiled cheerfully. "Hello, Hiei! It's lovely to see you again—may I ask to what pleasure we owe this visit?"

"She dragged me here, somehow," Hiei explained, pointing to Alexis. "I would stay clear of her if I were you. I think her mind is faulty, but she seems to have strange abilities."

"Oh!" Yukina said, startled. "Are they dangerous? Are you hurt?"

Hiei waved off her concern. "No, not exactly. They aren't physically harmful, per say, but she has got it into her head that she is a demon, as well as a powerful detective for the Spirit World. Her 'power,' so to speak, is some sort of unbreakable grip with which to drag me all over the city, and she seems to be able to change the time of day with little effort."

"A time traveler? Oh, my, that's dangerous…"

"I don't think so, but I am convinced that she's certifiably insane and operating with the aid of another realm separate from our own."

"Have you asked Koenma to investigate?"

"We—" he said bitterly, gesturing to Alexis, "—have been down to see him, but he didn't seem to be able to do much. From what I gathered, he is largely unfamiliar with her sort, and I would rather not see him again for a probably fruitless request."

"Oh, dear…"

Hiei nodded, purposefully excluding Alexis from the conversation. She butted in, as she tended to do, taking Hiei's hands and gazing up at him with lovesick eyes.

"Are you feeling better, my love?" she asked in a sugary, patronizing voice. Kuwabara was caught between laughter and fright, and Yukina was absolutely bewildered.

"I still hate you, if that's what you mean," Hiei said sourly, trying to shake her off of him.

"Yukina!" Alexis said suddenly, turning to the petite ice maiden. "Hiei needs your help. He's under some sort of witch's spell so that he thinks he hates me! Can you free him from it?"

Yukina blinked and looked at Hiei. He shook his head tiredly and she looked back at Alexis.

"Miss de Granvirias, he doesn't seem to think he's under any spell at all."

"Of course he doesn't!" Alexis cried, sobbing. "It's the power of that damn witch! He thinks he hates me…she's trying to break us apart so our love won't become the seventh Silver Key that will open the door to Paradise!"

Hiei raised one eyebrow. That was new. He hadn't even known that Alexis thought the "witch" was any more than a bored sorceress.

"Seventh…?" Kuwabara said carefully, trying to figure out what that meant.

"Don't talk to me, Stupid," Alexis snapped, turning to Kuwabara for a moment. She turned back to Yukina, her eyes wide and teary again.

"Can you help him?"

Yukina delicately tilted her head.

"…what was that about a silver key?"

Alexis shook her head, seemingly frustrated. "Oh…never mind," she said bitterly. "Genkai, can you heal my beloved?"

Genkai turned from her herbs and flowers and nodded. "Of course. Where is he?"

"Why…right here!" Alexis said, gesturing to Hiei. Genkai shook her head.

"Really, Granvirias, where is he?"

"My name is Alexis!"

"Uh huh. Never mind then, I won't heal him."

"But he's suffering from a witch's spell!" Alexis sobbed—screamed, really, would be the word for it, but Genkai merely turned back to her plants and whistled a merry tune.

And why not? She didn't have any problems involved weird girls from other dimensions.

Sniffling and rubbing her nose in what she hoped was a pitiful-slash-beautiful way, Alexis grabbed Hiei's shoulder and pulled him out the temple door. She didn't need this—these people were clearly not going to help her, and she didn't know how much longer she could hang around Kuwabara before she caught his infectious stupidity.

"We'll find someone to fix you, my love, don't worry. Chrysanthemum won't stop our love from becoming the seventh Silver Key—we'll get into Paradise and lock her out, and everything will be fine."

With tremendous strength, willpower, and luck, Hiei wrenched his hand from Alexis' grip and punched her in the jaw.

"You get this straight," Hiei snarled in an uncharacteristic display of rage. "I don't know how you got here. As far as I know, you appeared out of nowhere and started yipping about some 'BSS' and 'infliction'—"

"'BFF,'" Alexis correctly meekly, "and 'fanfiction.'"

"Whatever! Then you drag me out of the tree I'm sitting in a start romping all over Tokyo to find my teammates, all the while making up more and more ridiculous stories about our nonexistent love life! Who in all of the hells is 'Chrysanthemum'? And what the hell are these Silver Keys you keep talking about?"

"They're—"

"It was a rhetorical question!"

Alexis nodded, her eyes downcast.

"You're _not_ a demon, and the mix you invented is _not_ stable enough to support life! You are _not _Kurama's sister, fire demons do _not_ form bonds based on their similar energies, Spirit World has _never_ employed you, you have _never_ met Sensui _or_ Hagiri, Kuwabara is _not_ infectious, my sister is _not_ weak _or_ weak minded, and above all, I! Hate! You!"

"Right, because of the witch's—"

"There is no witch!"

"Then you…you tricked me?"

"I never mentioned a witch!"

Alexis looked down sadly and shook her head.

"Hiei…if you'd just been nice to me, like I read in fanfiction, and gave me presents and pretty dresses…we could have been happy together."

"That doesn't sound a little one-sided to you?" Kurama said, appearing out of nowhere. Or…walking up the stairs, but it's not important.

"No!" Alexis cried, turning around, which was a little pointless, seeing as how Kurama and Hiei were standing next to each other in front of her. "No, Kurama, we could be happy as a couple because Hiei _loves_ me! I _know _he does! This is my world, too, and we're all interlocked in a web of destiny! You just…don't understand!"

Sobbing into her hands, Alexis ran down the stairs, wailing all the way. Aside from the crying, she seemed fine enough…

…until she reached the last twenty or so steps, tripped over her own ungraceful feet, and plummeted to the ground, blood spotting her forehead.

Kurama looked to his casual lover.

"Should we see if she's still alive?"

Hiei looked back and smirked devilishly.

"It would be a crime not to, wouldn't it?"

Tracing his fingers suggestively up Hiei's neck, Kurama shrugged.

"As long as there's a body to be found, I guess we could be charged with manslaughter two…"

Hiei put out his hand, called up some friendly black fire, and torched Alexis' body.

"Body?"

Kurama smiled.

"Commence casual sex."

Hiei grinned deviously.

"Let's."

**and thus, the nightmare ends**


End file.
